September 17, 2004

I Also Know Nothing

This post by Tertia at So Close (who is gorgeous and brilliant), inspired me to chime in. (Blogger doesn't yet support trackbacks, so I can't be totally cool and do one of those.) I also know nothing about babies. Nothing at all. What makes me think I should get one?

I come from a small family. My older sister and her husband love children and therefore are childless by choice--I don't think they want to ruin their good feelings about babies by actually having one. My younger brother is not yet married and, somewhat surprisingly, has not yet managed to accidentally knock up one of his many girlfriends. Only one of my aunts had babies while I was young--she got pregnant accidentally twice, at 39 and 41 years of age. However, she is also slightly psychotic, so I didn't see her much.

My entire baby experience, therefore, comes from a couple of babysitting episodes. I once babysat twin 9-month-olds when I was about 11. I attempted to feed them at the same time, and one nearly choked to death. On another occasion, I babysat a girl of about 8 and a 5-year-old boy. While I was putting the older girl to sleep, the boy was in the living room, supposedly watching television. However, when I went in to get him, I discovered him approximately eight feet in the air. He was pretending to be Spiderman and had climbed the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that were against the wall, and was hanging off them by his fingertips. I screamed, and he, thrilled to be playing such a fun game, launched himself off the shelves, flew through the air, and landed on top of me. No bones were broken, but I am convinced that he cut approximately nine years off my life.

So that's why I shouldn't get to have a baby. I have never changed a diaper. I pushed a stroller once, and nearly steered it off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic when the wheel caught on a rock. I tripped and fell once while carrying my younger cousin and nearly cracked her head open. When my little brother was a toddler, I put all my make-up on him. To be fair, he loved it, which mildly alarmed my parents, so they put him in soccer and karate.

I am completely unqualified. Perhaps it is best if the Clomid doesn't work this month.

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