April 28, 2005

Checking In

I'm back! Sort of, anyway. I'm checking in to let you all know I'm still alive. To all the folks who have surprisingly been checking my blog while I've been away, thanks so much for not forgetting all about me!

The whirlwind tour is almost over, and I'll be back to my regularly scheduled posts in another week, it looks like. We are in California at my parents' house right now, and we should be flying to Hawaii in about seven days. The Navy hasn't yet given us our plane tickets, however, so that's sort of up for debate.

Nevertheless, I'll have tons of posts after we arrive--we drove through North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and Nevada before getting home. Whew! It was a big trip, and I promise to tell you all about it very soon!

April 10, 2005

Moving Day

Au revoir, Virginia! We're off on our whirlwind tour, but first I need to bid farewell to the Commonwealth of Virginia...

--Goodbye state-owned liquor stores that won't sell you a damned shot of vodka after 9 pm or on Sundays.

--Goodbye tourists asking where the Washington Monument is, even though the thing is 900 feet tall and visible from 50 miles away.

--Goodbye assholes who say loudly into their cell phones, "And the congressman was just telling me..." Congressmen are a dime a dozen around here, asshead. I ran three down with my car this morning.

--Goodbye drivers with diplomatic plates who don't know the rules of the road and wouldn't follow them if they did.

--Goodbye crazy fundamentalists who take up two seats reading full-size Bibles on the metro.

--Goodbye crack whore who asks me to buy her cigarettes every morning and has no underwear.

--Goodbye crazy boss who insists that I capitalize "State" in sentences, even though it's totally wrong, "for political reasons."

--Goodbye eager-eyed interns who come here all self-important and whose goals are to network their little hearts out, get laid by other interns after getting shitfaced at the Dubliner after work, and get elected president in 2028.

--Goodbye humidity so thick you need to take a shower after going outside to get the newspaper.

Goodbye, Virginia! You've been fun, except for the shitty rent, shitty weather, and shitty traffic. Next stop, North Carolina!!