February 16, 2007

Don't Catch the Poop

If your squirmy baby kicks her poopy diaper off the changing table, let it fall! Do NOT instinctively reach out to catch it before it hits the carpeting. Why?

Because no matter how many times you wash your hands after catching poop in them, they will never feel clean again. You can get new carpeting, but you can't get new hands.

February 02, 2007


The Princess is now old enough and coherent enough that we can actually communicate. We don't just exchange poop and dribble anymore, we actually talk to each other. It's wonderful. Here is an example of one of our conversations:

The Princess: Ma ma ma ma ma.

Me: [joyously] That's right, honey! I'm your Mama! Mama loves you, sweet girl! You're the sweetest, smartest, most wonderful girl in the whole world! I love you so much! Come give Mama a kissie!

The Princess: [wandering away to find someone less annoying]

Please Be Specific

If I send you a set of questions that you have to answer before your book can be published, and you tell me you'll have the answers to me on Monday, I assume that means "this Monday."

If in fact you mean, "three weeks from Monday, maybe, if I don't decide to take off on a spontaneous skiing weekend in Vail, thus completely disregarding your deadlines, extra printer charges for a rush job, the print schedule, and in fact, your entire life," please say so. Don't just say, "I'll have it to you Monday."

Birthday Girl

My girl turned one year old yesterday. I am stunned. Shocked, even. I don't really understand how this could happen. How can she have been on earth for an entire year? And how can I have been a parent for an entire year? Parents of one-year-olds are haggard, strange folk who drift up and down the mall, speaking to random strangers because they are so desparate for human companionship that does not involve the transfer of poop.*

In celebration of the Princess's birthday, I am going to break the anonymity that I carefully preserve on here (anonymity that is now mostly pointless because most of my readers now actually know me in person), and post pictures of her so you can see the transformation for yourselves.

Here is my girl on the day she was born:

And here she is now:

See? It's unbelievable. How did I make something so wonderful?

* Okay, yes, I have done that. But only once or twice.