Things I Have Learned

--That it's much more painful to step on a triangular block than a round one.

--That if you name your child "Zyler," people will think you're an asshole.

--That a child whose arms are 10 inches long can pick up a pair of scissors that is 8 feet away.

--That chicken and applesauce can be edible--even delicious!--when mixed together.

--That no matter how many times you swear you will never do it, you will at some point lick your thumb and rub it on your kid's face.

--That as your child begins to eat real food, his or her poop will get harder and more like an adults. Not only is this disgusting, but it means that if you are not careful, the poop can fall out of the diaper and onto the floor. Be especially aware of this if you are at your mother-in-law's house, the one with the white carpeting.