September 21, 2006

Shakespeare in Suburbia

My mother is moving into a nursing home. She needs more care now than my dad can provide, so she's moving a total of four blocks to a place near their house.

My dad called yesterday to fill me in on all the fabulous stuff she'll be able to do there. The local theater troop gives regular performances of Shakespeare, which means the Alzheimer's is probably a blessing, because they are so awful that it would be a mercy not to remember that you saw them. Dad is allowed to visit whenever he wants, and he was thrilled to announce that he can also eat in the cafeteria with her whenever he pleases. Yum! Nursing home food! Have a romantic dinner, and then share diarrhea with the one you love!

The nursing home has a keypad that keeps the Alzheimer's section locked securely. But my mother is very smart, and I imagine her watching people type in the code, memorizing it, and then using it to sneak out to the sports bar across the street on Monday nights to watch football--she was always a big fan. She'll be shouting at the tv, "Oh is football on? Who's playing? Great! Run, run, run, you idiot! Go left! Yes! Run, run, TOUCHDOWN!" [pause] "Oh is football on? Who's playing?"

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