September 07, 2006

Fun with Psycho-Therapeutic Drugs

It's been a while since I mentioned it, but my mother still has Alzheimer's, and it's recently gotten much worse. She's been wetting the bed, and now she doesn't like changing clothes and is afraid to take a bath. My dad is really upset, but I told him not to worry--she's just taking after her granddaughter! The Princess wets the bed all the time, she hates getting her onesie changed (and God forbid I try to dress her up in something with buttons), and she's afraid of the bathtub!

So my mother, who went stone-cold sober 30 years ago after a drunk driving accident, is now on Haldol, an anti-psychotic medication. I told the King about it, and he said, "Rock! I used to take that stuff to get high! Your mom's going to love it!" I can just imagine my mother, who was a straight-edger before there was such a thing, kicking back on the couch in her cozy adult diaper, watching soap operas and blazed out of her mind, going, "Dude! This stuff is awesome! Do we have any Doritos? 'Cause I have got the munchies, man!"

My dad is worried that he's going to have to move her into a nursing home. I think he ought to be worried that she's going to start sending him on 3 a.m. Taco Bell runs.

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