The 80s Are Officially Back.

iVillage has this to say about this fall's newest fashion trend: "This fall, dig your heels into midcalf-length boots. Slouchy suede (a.k.a. ruched) leather styles...are the best of the bunch. " Please, God, no. First legwarmers are coming back, and now those slouchy, ugly, wierd boots that look like an alligator ate your legs and then died there? Wasn't 80s fashion bad enough the first time around? I mean, the 80s were the decade of my youth, so I secretly love it, but I'm smart enough to know that, really, it was bad ugly. I distinctly remember wearing skintight, acidwashed, Guess jeans--pegged! of course--tucked into hightop black Reeboks with pink, black, and white laces. On top of that I had an oversized tee-shirt (probably Bedazzled from here to eternity) tucked into an enormous black belt. I then would carefully apply pink and blue eyeshadow (blend, girls, blend!) and top it off with green mascara, and then would tease my spiral-permed hair until it was near death and enamel it in place with AquaNet spray. Of course, you couldn't finish your look until you had curled your (permed!) bangs into two tight spirals, one curled down toward your forehead, and one pointing up to the sky. Oh yeah, I was hot. Yes I was.