November 29, 2004

Get Off My Land, Crazy Lawn Man

My next-door neighbor is a very nice man. He lets us borrow his ladder, invites us to parties when they're going to be loud so we won't complain (and provides free beer), and seems to be a good father and husband. He is also very slightly obsessed with lawn care.

His lawn is green and lush, and is mowed twice a week without fail. He's owns more than one type of lawnmower, plus an assortment of clippers, shears, and other scary implements that he then uses to hand-trim the bushes and trees in his yard.

The right side of our house borders his property, and there is no fence in the front yard. Therefore, we have about a five-foot wide strip of lawn that touches his. When we first bought the house, it was brown and overgrown, and very embarrassing compared to his perfectly green, perfectly trimmed lushness. So we fertilized and mowed and generally got it looking pretty fabulous, all due to the King's hard work.

Fast forward to today. The weatherman is predicting snow on Sunday. It's been barely above freezing at night all week. The leaves have fallen, and because I am lazy and also because I believe in letting nature pretty much do her own thing, I didn't rake them. So they were lying on the grass, which is now a tad shaggy, but mostly just dry and dying because winter is coming, and that's what happens in winter. Everyone accepts that, right? In winter, you no longer need to mow your lawn, because it stops growing when the ground freezes.

Except my neighbor. Today, while I was at work, he mowed my lawn. That's right. He mowed his own lawn (presumably being careful not to mow down his Christmas decorations, which went up yesterday right on schedule), and when he was done with his part, he just kept on going, right onto our lawn. He did the entire half of the yard that abuts his property. There are now no leaves, and the mostly dead grass is shorn off. It's neat and it looks good, and it matches his yard perfectly.

I'm trying to be nice about this. I'm trying to be the bigger person. I'm trying to think he was just bored, or he knows the King is overseas so he figured he'd be sweet and help me out by mowing it for me. Really, I'm trying to tell myself that. But it's no use. I know why he did it. And I'm pretty goddamned offended by it. Because, really, this is it: He did it because my yard was not pretty enough to be next to his yard. Yes he did. What the fuck kind of person does that???


akeeyu said...

Really? My neighbor mows my lawn occasionally, but I like it. It entertains the cat.

Of course, in our case, our neighbor mows our lawn because his lawn mower takes fifteen minutes to start, and by the time he gets it running, he wants to mow something substantial, damnit.

Cricket said...

Ok, you got me revved up on this one. I could comment until kingdom come, but I couldn't go crazy on your blog. I have not one, but two, neighbors like yours. They have stolen my gardening autonomy.