At my four-month checkup this afternoon:
Me: So, you would be able to tell by now if I had placenta previa or an incompetent cervix or something scary like that, right?
NP: [laughing] What have you been reading about?
Me: Um, everything. Particularly things that could, you know, kill me.
NP: Well, no, you'll have to wait until the 20-week ultrasound to see where the placenta is. And what was that other thing you mentioned?
Me: An incompetent cervix.
NP: [cheerily] Oh, no, we usually don't diagnose those until you've had a miscarriage or two.
Me: But, um, wouldn't my baby be dead by then?
NP: Well, er, yeah. [uncomfortable silence] But I'm sure it's all fine! See you next month!