I haven't been posting because the Princess has an evil, evil cold. She has been a sneezing, sobbing, coughing, sniffling, miserable wretch of a baby for a week. And because she coughs and screams all night long, the King and I have been pretty miserable wretches ourselves.
So our pediatrician* recommended a nasal spray to help clear her nose and let her get some rest (and by her, I mean us). Have you ever tried to spray medicine up a baby's nose? It's really, really fun! Here are some easy steps to get you in practice:
Step 1. You will need to acquire a small, live octopus. I recommend trying the local aquarium.
Step 2. Dip the octopus in vegetable oil to make it extra slippery.
Step 3. Use one hand to pin all of the octopus's tentacles down at once. Do not let any escape.
Step 4. Hold the nasal spray in your other hand. With your leg and possibly a small stick, pin the octopus's head down and do not allow it to move at all.
Step 5. Squirt spray up both the octopus's nostrils.
For added realism, put on headphones and blast a tape of screaming, shrieking baby into your ears at top volume. Now you're ready for a baby head cold!
* Ha. "Our pediatrician." By which I mean, whoever the pediatrics clinic has randomly wandering the halls that day. Pediatricians, nurses, janitors, odontologists. You know, whoever.