Yesterday night, I thought I felt the baby moving. It's still very faint, so I held my breath and held very still to make it easier to feel. After several minutes of nothing happening, I realized that DEPRIVING THE BABY OF OXYGEN probably wasn't the best idea in the world for making it move around. I probably kept it from developing like five million brain cells. Now, if it can't ever learn the times tables, I'll know why.
I'm the World's Worst Mother, and the kid won't even be born for another five months. Now that's an accomplishment.